AGE IS A WONDERFUL THING

-from Duckie

ROMANCE

An  older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but  the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used  to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her  hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later  she said: "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached  across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty  seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."

Angrily, he  threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"  she asked.

"To get my teeth!" 

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DOWN  AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE 

80-year  old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds 

her  clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in 

my  hand can have sex with me tonight!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear  shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close  enough."  

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OLD  FRIENDS

Two  elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had  shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had  been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they  were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad  at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of  your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me  what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three  minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said,

"How soon  do you need to Know?" 

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SENIOR  DRIVING

As  a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering,  he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the  news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be  careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of  them!"  

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SUPERSEX  

A  little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in  a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown  and say "Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair,  flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."  

He  sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the  soup."  

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DRIVING

Two  elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the  dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop  light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the  passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we  just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another  major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red  but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting  nervous.  

At  the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we  just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us  both!"  

Mildred  turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"